General Jokes

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll kill u.

A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

A man was sentenced last week to two years in prison for faking his death three times to beat drunk driving charges.
Peter C. Gentry was first arrested in 1991, but an official looking death certificate sent to authorities said he had died in a Los Angeles auto crash, and the case was dismissed.
In 1994, he was arrested again and sent in another death certificate.
A year later, Gentry was again arrested and supposedly died this time of "denzor hemorrhagic fever" in Africa.

There is no such disease

A professor was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and
straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door
(of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says: You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on
your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her
husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say anything; another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you
marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your
market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction
for entering new markets

George W Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner.
One of the guests walks over to them and asks what they're discussing.

"We are making up the plans for World War III", says Bush.
"Wow", says the guest. "And what are the plans?" "We're gonna kill 2 billion Muslims and one dentist", answers Bush.

The guest looks to be a bit confused.

"One...dentist?" He says. "Why will you kill one dentist?"

Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you? Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims."

[attachment=44:boka.jpg]
have u ever seen khasi or boka online sales ?

once 2 rats were fighting , suddenly elephant came and said them not to fight. the angry rat scolded elephant saying >> o elephant dont be over .. aahile hamro jhagada ma chepera marlas nee. hahaha

Found this elsewhere but found it funny Smile

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health Class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this packet?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday"
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 Pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March.................."

Q > Why pokhara is considered wife and Kathmandu as husband ??
A > Pokhara has Mahendra Cave and Kathmandu has Dharahara hehhee

Rohit (tall and very thin) was standing at the bus stop. Suddenly a car stops and a beautiful girl waves to him. Rohit was surprised but he recognized her... she was Jasmine an old batch mate but he wondered why she was calling him. Because she never gave a drop to anyone in the college but anyhow he sat in the car and Jasmine gave him a warm welcome ( kaise ho kya kar rahe ho etc).
Then Jasmine asked him to have coffee with her and now Rohit was surprised. He gave consent. Suddenly Jasmine says lets go to my house ...there are a lot of people in the cafe. Rohit thought aab to mazaa aa jaaiga.
When they reach home Jasmine asks Rohit ....why don`t we sit in my bed room as the AC is only in that room. Now Rohit was sure Jasmine phas gai hai and he starts dreaming about her. As he entered the room Jasmine asked Rohit why don`t you take off your shirt, you are sweating and Rohit again starts dreaming.
And Jasmine asks him to be comfortable and said I will back in a minute. And Rohit was alone in the room thinking about Jasmine.Then after five minutes Jasmine entered the room .....with her 2 children and told them,
"Dekho bachon agar horlicks nahin piyoge to body iskei jaissi ho jaigi."( Children, If you don`t drink horlicks, your body`ll become like this)

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I`m not bitter. Now that I`m so improved, she just isn`t good enough for me."

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.

After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?"

"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."